


Pain (Or Lack Thereof)

by plisetskees



Category: DRAMAtical Murder (Visual Novel), DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Drunk Sex, Everyone Is Just Sad And There Is No Happy Ending, M/M, Sad Noiz, sad Koujaku
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-28
Updated: 2016-01-28
Packaged: 2018-05-16 18:42:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5836555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plisetskees/pseuds/plisetskees
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Noiz can feel pain, but it isn't the type of pain he wants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pain (Or Lack Thereof)

It hurts.

Fuck, fuck, _fuck_ , it hurts more than anything Noiz has ever experienced. Even with his masochistic tendencies, this pain is something Noiz doesn't want to feel.

This pain is emotional rather than physical, yet it's so deep-cutting and intense that it rivals any sort of Rhyme injury or burnt tongue. It feels like he's been chained up with his skin flayed off in some Cenobite-esque ritual slaughter, sliced off with the dullest and most rusty knife one could find.

And it's coming to him in the form of a 6 foot tall, tattooed man currently fucking him from behind in the toilet of Mizuki's bar, of all places. Most onlookers (Noiz is absolutely sure there's a man in the other stall jerking his dick to Noiz's moans, Koujaku's soft grunts, and the sound of skin slapping against skin) would just think it's some heat of the moment bar hookup, and to Koujaku it probably was, but this quickie in the bathroom meant a lot to Noiz.

Koujaku, for whatever reason, always comes back to him. He's vaguely gentlemanly about it as well; the first time they fucked, Noiz got to actually spend the night in Koujaku's bed (and he's pretty sure the old man is going to invite him back to his apartment for round two once he's done drowning his sorrow in alcohol or whatever the reason he comes to his de facto best friend's sleazy bar is, so there's a good chance that that will happen again.) It's pity sex at worst, and a hate fuck at best, but generally just a distraction, definitely no strings attached.

Either way, Koujaku comes to him. Even if it's just so he can take his mind off of Aoba's impromptu disappearance to America to chase after the love of his life (at least, that's what Noiz assumes is Koujaku's reasoning for this,) it's more than anyone else has ever given him. So he takes it. He takes it and he cherishes it, he daydreams about it, he jerks off to the memory of the first time they fucked and Koujaku actually _held_ him when they finished.

Their finish is pretty unspectacular, as far as sex goes. Koujaku is more than half drunk, and Noiz isn't very good at quickies. The old man comes into the condom he always insists on wearing with a groan, and pulls out, leaving Noiz still achingly hard and positively lonely.

Lucky for Noiz, Koujaku proves him right and brings him back to his home that night. He's absolutely hammered at that point, and Noiz is still mind-numbingly sober due to the idiotic law that said he was still a minor in Japan and Mizuki’s rigid adherence to said idiotic law.

It's not long before Koujaku has Noiz completely naked and ready to be fucked again. Even though the old man doesn't know about Noiz's little condition, he's still rough. And Noiz loves that.

Yet, Koujaku also treats Noiz with a strange care that is one of the reasons that Noiz always comes back (the first reason being, however, the fact that Koujaku calls on him at all.) He’s hooked up with men across Midorijima, from gangsters to yakuza to businessmen to prostitutes, but no one treats him with the unexplainable gentleness that Koujaku does. Noiz always puts it down to a force of habit, something left over from all those trysts with women. Maybe it's because Noiz was the first willing gay male that Koujaku could find, and he treats Noiz gently because he’s pretending that he’s Aoba. Noiz knows Koujaku would never hurt Aoba. He also knows that there's no way that Koujaku treats him so gently because he actually feels deeply for Noiz.

Yet, Noiz appreciates the fingers loosening up his asshole despite the fact that he wouldn't be able to feel it even if Koujaku fucked him without preparing him. Because despite anything he says, it's the closeness that makes him do this, time after time. Even though he knows the intimacy is supposed to be for someone else, or completely faux altogether, it’s more intimacy than Noiz has ever felt before, and it's more potent than any type of drug.

Koujaku’s fingers are sloppy, though. The older man is drunker than normal, and Noiz somewhere in his mind realizes that Aoba has been gone for two years tonight. He remembers the date, because Noiz could really have fallen for Aoba. Aoba was the only one who even gave him the time of day, who treated him as a human. He supposes Koujaku remembers the date because he already beat Noiz to falling in love with Aoba, even if neither of them ultimately got the prize.

Fingering really does nothing for Noiz. He still sits halfway soft as Koujaku works slightly-too-dry fingers in and out of him (and he knows if he were Aoba those fingers would have been coated with lubricant.) As he sits, his mind wanders to Aoba, and he almost feels an envy there. Aoba, who is probably playing house husband to that overgrown American, is probably happy right now. He’s probably sitting in his lover's strong, strong arms, nestled against his chest with a cup of coffee and a book at that very moment. Not being drunkenly fingered by a man who mostly hates him, except when he’s drunk and alone. Noiz envies the love Aoba and Mink share, and only in the darkest parts of his mind will he admit that he wants that more than anything, even if it's with Koujaku.

His train of thought is interrupted by the sound of a condom wrapper crinkling, and Noiz turns enough to see Koujaku struggling to roll the latex down his hard cock. After a bit of fumbling, Koujaku is successful, and plunges almost immediately into Noiz. He doesn't use any lubricant, and Noiz can feel the slightest discomfort, but that's enough to stir his soft cock back to life. Since he can't feel pleasure, the slight pain of being stretched open has to do for him.

Noiz whimpers and lets out a few fake moans every once in awhile, to spur Koujaku on. It works, just like Noiz predicted. Koujaku fucks Noiz harder and rougher with each moan, eventually causing enough friction to get Noiz completely hard. Even if Koujaku won't touch his cock (he has an aversion to the piercings and Noiz knows it) it feels just as good to rut into Koujaku's rough sheets.

By the time Noiz is actually starting to grow close, Koujaku’s drunkenness is starting to get to him. He is pressed against Noiz's back, arms wrapped around his torso in an attempt to hold him closer. With the pleasure and the misplaced intimacy, Noiz barely even minds when Koujaku begins to moan Aoba's name harshly into his ear.

And within a few minutes, Noiz is spilling onto the sheets with a stifled grunt. Koujaku comes into his condom, something Noiz could never see the tattooed man using with Aoba, and flopping off of him with Aoba’s name still on his tongue. After rolling off the condom, he passes out, and Noiz has the decency to push him onto his side before he stands and dresses. Then he gives a look to Koujaku, and sighs before he heads out of Koujaku's home and to his own.

When he's home, he lays down onto his couch and stares at the ceiling for a long while, thinking of how he has been used to satisfy Koujaku's loneliness tonight, just like he was the Friday night before.

Yeah, this hurts. This hurts more than anything Noiz has ever experienced. It hurts in the most empty, aching way, and Noiz wouldn't have it any other way. Because even though it hurts, at least he feels something. And that's better than feeling nothing at all.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to play around with the idea of what happens if Aoba goes to America to find Mink, and what happens to the two he left behind. (Because well in my headcanon Koujaku will not move on even an eighth of an inch until Aoba is completely gone from Midorijima)
> 
> Also I like to hurt Noiz a lot


End file.
